It's been a while. I wasn't going to come back. I don't know that anyone wants me around. Life is never simple and for the first time in a year I thought I'd look at the forum. I saw
@Lesley's post and just wanted her to know she is not alone.
I've had a pretty full-on year. Reef-wise, I discovered that I have silicates in my system (a Triton test confirmed it, I have no idea where they come from). It explains why I get diatom growth and the odd problem algae growth. I have been using assorted silicate adsorption aids for months. Sera Marin Silicate Clear, Phos-Zorb, and a Continuum product. Basically whatever I can get in a net or bag. All my water params test at regular and "ideal" rates.
I started using Aqua Forest salt some time at the beginning of the year. I have had a lot of health issues again. I "ran away" on Australia Day. There had been enormous stress on me and my husband for a while and my family never ever helps. A very good friend of ours from church died really suddenly from Meningococcal. I went for a drive to just get some space and ended up climbing Mount Kosciuszko "for the fun of it". I hadn't been there for almost 20 years. I have a spinal injury and while I fund the walk to be doable (there is a path)... adrenaline certainly kicked in and later in the day I could no longer walk very well at all... My Dad was involved with the foundation of skiing in Australia and because he was a priest, he performed the memorial to inter his friend Charles Anton's ashes into the boulders on top of Mount Crackenback at Thredbo after he died... as I found out... from Meningococcal. I ended up calling my husband (because he had no idea where I was) and he and my daughter drove down and we spent a few couple of days sightseeing before going home.
In a nutshell, I've been trying to work out who the hell I am, dealing with how people relate to me and trying to work out what I want from life. My husband and I have been working our shit out to get our shit back together. We're a great team, until we're not. I stopped communicating with my mother, who is really not a great person. she and my brother tag team abusing me and i just had to block them in every way. it didn't stop her from leaving abusive messages on voicemail. it's all too much for me. Through everything, I had been working through uni and looking after my daughter and helping her through life as a child at school. I got sick around ANZAC Day with Pneumonia. I ended up in hospital a couple of times and it took a long time to get well. I had to buy reef salt online during everything and discovered that my tank can't stand high KH salts. My system ended up out of ionic balance with Mag/Calc/Alk when I had to switch between brands because I couldn't do anything or go anywhere. I lost a lot of coral. I then held off on buying anything until I could get the system back to balanced. Aqua Forest has been a godsend in that regard.
My chest x-ray was clear by the beginning of June. I had trouble speaking for months. I couldn't sing until a few weeks ago. I've had stuff gumming up my sinuses and ear infections since. It's a bitch to kick this bug... In all of that I was still trying to deal with uni work. Sometime around May I started to feel severe pain in my hands and arms and I became very weak. I couldn't hold a pen or even type for more than a few minutes. I've had a lot of trouble with doctors. The ones for treating my pneumonia were great, but as soon as I needed help with something noone could see... the doctors accused me of being a drug addict and wanting pain meds. I was in severe pain, but I really just needed someone to work out what was wrong. I was sent for ultrasounds, xrays, cat scans. This has all gone on right up until now. i had an MRI last week after finally getting to see the orthopedic hand specialist. It turns out I broke my scaphoid bone in my left hand (collecting snails at the beach in May, I forgot I had fallen over. The doctors saw this in a scan and decided nothing had to be done about it), and I have arthritis in a joint there. The right hand has some issue with the scaphoid and tensonyvitis, plus finally finally he confirmed I have Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, which the ultrasound tech picked up in my right arm. I need to have surgery on both of my hands. I had to drop out of uni completely because I couldn't get the work done with no control of my hands to write essays and no ability to sit all day thanks to my back. My left hand is first because it is the most painful with the broken bone. That is happening at the end of this month. Then the right will be done sometime soon but needs to be in a cast afterward, so it can't be done at the same time.
I had surgery a month ago actually. It had been something I was looking into all the way back to March. The orthopedic specialist for legs discovered that the injury I incurred as a teenager (called Osgood Schlatter's Disease) had caused 3 ossicles to grow inside the tendon around my left knee. I also had a bone spur on the kneecap from the OSD. Even with ear infections, they did the surgery. We discovered a few things from this... we now know that my knee is the cause of my spinal injury. It had unbalanced my spine so to speak. Some of the muscles in my left leg had not functioned for at least 20 years. As I started to try to move around after this surgery, it became apparent really quickly that I was regaining control of muscles that had atrophied long ago. It has taken me a little bit longer than expected to be able to walk "properly" and I am still working on it. I fell over again a week or so ago because my left leg just gave way. The upside is, for the first time in God knows how long, my pelvis is aligned properly most of the time now. My physio could never understand why after my spinal fusion my pelvis would be out of whack. It meant that one of my legs was an inch longer than the other and caused a lot of pain. I have felt better and stronger in my spine than I have in around 5+ years.
With everything we have learnt about why I have pain and why my limbs are not working properly... I feel hopeful for the future. My mental health is indelibly linked to my physical health. Aside from the frustration and pain caused by useless doctors, I am confident I am now on the way forward to being "well". I am not going to do any further uni study for now. A lot of my life is on hold while I wait to regain control of my hands. The Arthritis will need further exploration by someone... It is unlikely that it is only in my left hand. I know there was an identification of arthritic segments of my vertebrae with my scans a couple of years ago. The Fibromyalgia I was diagnosed with previously is probably triggered by it. I guess that will all come into focus in a few weeks. In amongst all of that, I have been applying for jobs here and there to give me something to do. If my hands can be fixed, the chances are that I will be able to work again now that my knee is helping my back come back together. It's like the most bizarre dream. In all of this.. I really just want to be able to grow coral effectively, stop losing hard corals and be able to do my tank maintenance myself. There are times I can't even open the ziplock bags the nori is in, and I can't lift anything much or hang on to things properly. I've tried t streamline my systems as much as I can. I have bought a much bigger skimmer so I can make it through longer periods without water changes and am pulling a lot more dirt out, so my corals are looking pretty good now. I met a reefer who lives nearby who is -randomly enough- having the same issues with his hands that I am. I have passed my Reefuge gifted skimmer to him so that he can try to make his system the best it can be while he tries to cope with bad health. And now it is time to go to bed to try to get some sleep. I was in bed most of the day because I did some exercise yesterday for my knee... it just takes everything out of me so I have done absolutely nothing today.
Puppy cuddles and fish kisses. xxx
erin
